It’s the first day of a new month and I’m sitting in a cafe with a strong hot coffee and sunshine is streaming through the side of the verandah warming my skin. My diary is open in front of me and August is filled with meetings, events, workshops and appointments, interspersed of course with some essential self-care. I’m reflecting on all that I’ve achieved over the last month, the difference I have made to the lives of so many people and the personal growth I’ve experienced. This morning as I was plaiting my daughter’s hair before school and I held her little hand as we walked into her Prep classroom, I took a moment to feel hugely grateful for having found the courage to make some brave choices over the last twelve months that have led me to where I am today.
Buddha said that in the end only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you. This quote makes my heart sing, it is SO true. When you think about it, a lot of our human suffering stems from not being able to let go of what is not meant for us. People hold on tightly to things, especially onto beliefs that certain things are meant for them and this manifests itself in different ways. From destructive relationships to an inflexibility in changing one’s career path, to an unwillingness to reflect on one’s fundamental values and to change them when necessary.
All of this holding on is exhausting and the tighter we hold onto the things not meant for us, the more closed we are to LIFE. This tight grip brings us so much unnecessary pain and suffering. Sure, when we loosen that grip and open ourselves up to life we still experience pain at times but it comes in a very different form. This pain is the kind that is necessary to get to where we’re destined to be, even if that destination might be drastically different from the one we had planned.
I’ve never been one to get too personal on my blog but I had a particularly powerful session with an amazing energetic healer recently and one of the many messages he brought through for me was that in sharing my story I will inspire others to find the courage to make brave choices so that they too can live the lives they’re destined for. So it’s time for me to share my story with you…..insert deep shaky breath!
Often it takes something big (and often bad) to happen in our lives for us to sit up and really pay attention and to find the courage to make change. Twelve months ago I was working in a very demanding corporate job that involved a lengthy commute to work and a lot of time away from my little girl. The work I was doing was very important and highly rewarding but the environment was toxic and it was having an extremely negative impact on my physical and emotional health. My background is in Psychology and I had worked in the mental health and disabilities field for over 13 years. I have known for a long time that my purpose here in this lifetime is to help people, which is why I chose to become a Psychologist. That toxic job was all about helping people but it’s hard to truly devote yourself to this cause when all your energy is being directed into protecting yourself from bullying, discrimination and victimisation. I couldn’t see a way out though, I was very well paid for what I did and any similar jobs would have meant a pay cut and more time away from my daughter.
Then one day I felt a lump in my breast. I went to my GP who ordered an ultrasound and whilst the ultrasound showed that the lump was harmless, they found a “shadow” in another area that they were concerned about. It wasn’t something they could biopsy straight away and so I was asked to return in four weeks time to check if it had changed and if so they would attempt a biopsy then. Well needless to say the next four weeks were the worst of my life. When you are faced with the possibility of your life ending prematurely, you re-evaluate everything. I kept thinking that if I did have breast cancer that it would be partly due to the extreme stress that I had chosen to continue to expose myself to by remaining in that toxic work environment. I firmly believe that emotional stress contributes to physical disease and more research is emerging every day to support this theory.
Although I told myself that it was the money keeping me in that soul destroying job, it wasn’t. It was the beliefs I held about myself and the beliefs of others in my life about what I SHOULD be doing. I had spent six years at university studying to be a Psychologist, I had a plan about how my life would turn out. How could I “throw away” all that to pursue my own business? After a lot of soul searching and personal spiritual development, and a lot of support from some beautiful people who believed in me even when I didn’t, I came to realise that the business I wanted to pursue was absolutely, perfectly, and divinely aligned with my true purpose in life…to help people! By empowering people with the knowledge they needed to live a low-tox life and improve their health and wellbeing with essential oils, I would directly impact far more lives and live my passion at the same time! And my university studies and work experience would never be a waste of time, they are and always will be an asset that has helped me achieve incredible success in my business and are instrumental in the continued positive impact I will have on others’ lives.
So the day came for the second ultrasound…the shadow was still there and they took a core biopsy. I had to wait three days for the results. The day I went to my GP to find out the results I knew that there were two outcomes but both would result in the same very important, life-changing decision….either I had breast cancer and I would not be returning to that job or I didn’t have breast cancer and I would not be returning to that job. Thankfully the results showed I did not have breast cancer (insert the hugest sigh of relief) and I handed in my resignation the following day. My business, Purely Thriving, was born in the coming weeks and I have not looked back since. I wake up with a smile on my face every day knowing that what I am doing is changing lives and not just on a physical level but also on an emotional, spiritual and often financial level for those I share these essential oils with. I now earn far more than I ever did in my soul-destroying job and I have the freedom to live my life on my own terms!
This whole blog post is cathartic and terrifying to share at the same time. The next part of my journey is a very personal one and incredibly hard for me to share but I feel compelled to share it. A few months ago, my husband and I made the decision to end our marriage. This decision was one that was given much thought, much love, and much compassion. We both still have a very strong connection and a commitment to nurturing our daughter to grow into the awesome human being she can be. He is an amazing man and an incredible father, and we will continue to support each other and to raise this beautiful little being we created together. But we are not meant to live the rest of our lives together. I know all of this to be true, even though it hurts more than anything and I want to share with you the circumstances that led me to make this huge decision in my life.
Earlier this year, one of my oldest and dearest friend’s brother passed away from Stage 4 Melanoma. He was someone I spent most of my teenage years with and that I looked up to….he was a kind, loving, patient and generous soul and he taught me a lot about how to nurture these qualities in myself. He was 39 years old when he died and he left behind a sister, a mother and father, a wife and three beautiful daughters, four nieces and hundreds of friends.
Grief comes in many forms and not always from a death but the grief that comes from the loss of someone who has died at a young age is something I had not experienced before and I don’t even have the words to give it the description it deserves. Witnessing his daughters and his nieces kneel around the outer edge of the grave and watch the coffin being lowered into the ground was the most gut-wrenching feeling I have ever experienced in my life. Watching my best friend grieve the loss of her brother, her parents say goodbye to their son, and his wife farewell her husband was excruciating. When I tried to describe it to someone later all I could say was that “it undid me”…. like I split open and all of the pieces of me, everything I have ever done and everything that I am spilled out of me, to be examined for its worthiness. Something shifted in my being in that moment, a gentle knowing that was very nearly drowned out by the physical and emotional pain I was feeling but I observed it and I felt it.
So I left that funeral and I sat with my grief, and I spent a great deal of time re-evaluating my life. I found the courage to make a very big decision. And so it is. I am a single mother. I am still struggling to accept that I can’t be with my daughter every day. But I know without a doubt that she should grow up knowing what a healthy relationship is. You don’t need to be a Psychologist to understand that children that grow up observing unhealthy relationships end up creating unhealthy relationship patterns in their own lives. This is an incredibly difficult period for our family but we will continue to support each other with love and understanding and I know with every ounce of my being that we have made the right choice for our family.
I love this video of Oprah talking about how we view failure in our lives, I encourage you to watch it if you haven’t seen it. So many “aha” moments in there and so much wisdom. It has been instrumental in helping me find the courage to let go of that which is not meant for me and I still watch it regularly.
“There are no mistakes, there are no wrong paths, there is no such thing as failure because failure is just that “thing” trying to move you in another direction. You get as much from your losses as you do from your victories because the losses are there to wake you up. So when you understand that, you don’t allow yourself to be thrown by a grade, or a circumstance, because you know that your life is bigger than any one experience. The key is to get still and to ask yourself “what is the next right move” and then from that space make the next right move and to not to be overwhelmed by it because you know your life is bigger than that one moment. You know you are not defined by what somebody says is a failure for you because failure is just there to point you in a different direction.”
So I implore you to ask yourself “what am I holding onto that is not meant for me?”. Don’t wait for that big moment like a health scare or a death to take that first tentative step towards living the life you are destined for. Surround yourself with people who understand you, who love you and who lift you up, who believe in you even when you may not believe in yourself. I love the quote “Difficult roads often to lead to beautiful destinations”, ain’t that the truth?! If change was easy then nobody would ever change, right? Always remember that the things you leave behind create space for more of what you truly need.
Do you have what you think is a really good reason for not taking that step to let go of something that will change your life? Ask yourself if that reason is actually an excuse because often it is….excuses keep us in our comfort zone where even though things might not be great, they are easier but life truly does begin at the end of your comfort zone. Do you want to live an easy life or do you want to live a life full of challenge and growth, joy, purpose, love and success (however you define success)? If you are fortunate enough to live to an old age and to reflect on the life you have lived, what regrets will you have?
What do you need to do to make courageous choices and change the direction of your life? For me and I believe for all of us, nourishing body, mind and soul is key. When you’re living in a state of true wellness, physically, emotionally and spiritually, you are much more capable of making the decisions you need to make to live an authentic life. Eliminating toxins from my physical life was the first step several years ago…changing the way we ate and the products we used in our home, as well as making the choice to put our health in the hands of natural health practitioners. Our amazing naturopath has changed our family’s life when no other health professional could….he healed my daughter’s eczema and my eczema, and continues to support us to live in optimal health. Using doTERRA’s essential oils complemented this for us perfectly, not only for physical health support but on an emotional and spiritual level, they have been and continue to be a very important tool for us.
When we started using these essential oils as family, I was very focused on the physical health benefits the oils could provide and how I could use them as a natural cleaning alternative around our home but I was not prepared for the immensely powerful impact they have on an emotional and spiritual level. Did you know that when you smell an aroma, the message travels straight to your limbic system which is the part of your brain that controls all aspects of your emotions, memories and even your very survival? That’s why when you smell certain aromas they immediately take you back to a time and a place from your past, and you may experience the emotions you felt in that particular situation. Using doTERRA’s Certified Pure Therapeutic Grade essential oils to support yourself emotionally is so powerful and I see the results of this on almost a daily basis with people who are using them. Even if you start out using them to support your physical health, you won’t be able to ignore the impact they have on your emotional health.
Some of the other important tools for me have been reconnecting with my love for yoga and meditation. The physical and mental health benefits of yoga are well documented, and I know that I feel and think better when I practice it several times a week. As for meditation, I’m one of those people who finds it very hard to switch off my brain which always operates at a million miles an hour. For those of you who know me well, that’s part of the reason why I speak so fast! I found these meditone tracks from Tahlee at Sonesence about 18 months ago and absolutely love them. I carry my MP3 player with me in my handbag and I listen to these when I get a quiet moment in my day. I like to start the day with one of the tracks from the Spectrum album (each track from this album comes with its own description of its purpose so you can choose the right one for the time of day and your mood) and I listen to one of the more relaxing tracks before bed. My other favourite track is called Allied Forces and can be purchased separately. Meditones are precisely tuned frequencies of sound, that when heard with headphones, guide your brain into effortless relaxation and deep meditation. You can read more about them and purchase them here (I have no affiliation with this, I simply want to share it because it’s worked so well for me).
Reading personal development books has resulted in some massive shifts for me. I’ve always loved reading and there’s nothing better than losing yourself in beautifully written fiction but personal development literature has been a real game-changer for me in recent years. I think that the key when you read personal development books is to do it with an open heart and mind…we are all unique beings and different people have different perspectives. No one book is going to give you all the answers you need…take what you need, give it deep consideration and apply it to your life where applicable. Some books that have facilitated massive shifts for me are The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks (probably my fave, I wanted to highlight paragraphs on almost every page), Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert, You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay, and A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson.
I’m not going to harp on about the physical and emotional benefits of nourishing your body by eating well. It’s something I’m really passionate about and has certainly helped me immensely though. Eating REAL unprocessed foods is one tool to empowering yourself to live well, both physically and mentally. I don’t care whether you choose to be paleo, vegetarian, vegan, low-carb, sugar-free, gluten-free, as long as you choose to eat in a way that your body functions best. I am a very strong advocate for eating organic wherever possible though and there are ways to do this on a budget. Get in touch with me if you’d like some tips and links to blogs and websites that can help you achieve this. Ordering through local co-ops and businesses for both fresh produce and bulk dry goods is the best way to save yourself money in choosing organic products and if you are in the Brisbane area, I can recommend several fantastic options for you.
If you are looking for a way to change the direction of your life on any or all levels….physically, emotionally, spiritually and/or financially then I urge you to consider using doTERRA’s essential oils in your life. You can read more about them and how you can use them here and if you’d like to explore the doTERRA business opportunity further you can learn more about that here. If you want to chat with me personally, you can email me at info@purelythriving.com.au.
Thanks for taking the time to read my story and I hope that this post resonates with some of you. I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments or you can reach out to me via email.
Sending you love and light,
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